Logo TV’s Finding Prince Charming Gets Us (the Suitors) Thinking About Who We Are
What’s your hashtag? Why do you do what you do? Or, “why are you here?” In the house on Finding Prince Charming, this was a confronting question, one guy might ask another to determine if motives are pure. But outside, in the real world, we should also be asking, why are we here?
There is always an undercurrent to who we are meaning to be. Sometimes this undercurrent is informed by negative situations or trauma. Trauma for me is defined as a situation that emotionally wounds you and in the moment you had no way to process the situation and no one was there to bear witness to your pain. So this emotional wound did not get attention and since emotional trauma doesn’t just disappear, it became something that we could manipulate for the time being, believing that it was an innate part of us, or, at least, something that would be used to garner what we want. Unhealed wounds only deepen when misused.
For instance, we notice certain characteristics in romantic partners. Many of the qualities we look for (stable, older, innocent, dominant, submissive) can often be informed by an experience that we weren’t able to fully process, and as we begin to let go of those areas of our life, we are more available for truer connections. And as we process through this, we can determine what was true and what was false but what we are no longer interested in. For a long time, I thought I just preferred older, successful men. But I wanted them for what I lacked–stability and maturity. Had I had the qualities that they possessed, I would no longer want them. This is the unevenness of attracting from our wounds, this is the side-effects of defect driven passions and goals. Thus, sometimes our hashtag is informed by this pain.
In the first episode, I ask Robert how he knew he had learned from his ex what he needed to learn in order to move on without attracting the same situation. I asked this, because I often believed it was the other person who was not acting right, little did I know, I seemed to find myself attracting the same “not acting right” situations over and over. If I am honest with myself, I get to look at what I was doing that was attracting me to these men.
The deal is that you can’t control the plot, but you can control the theme. If heartbreak is part of the plot for your life, you can dance through it like a romantic comedy or a full-on tragedy. Depending on your hashtag, your theme will be able to steer you into gentler waters and gentleness is the gateway drug to joy. Gentleness lets yourself and others off the hook. Gentleness allows you to perceive and not judge; to respond and not react; to let go of the false control. But you have to be anchored by something other than the next passing thought. Is your hashtag #whateverittakes? Well you might experience having to do “whatever it takes” to get what you think you were wanting. Is your hashtag #beyourself? Then chances are you are consistently looking for ways to deepen into authenticity with yourself or others.
My theme, I decided, going into the show was going to be happiness. It didn’t mean that I was always happy, but it did mean that it was the most important thing to me. It was my compass. I know I am in alignment with the universe when I am joyful. I know I do not need to manipulate my day and the people in it when I am happy, because the ultimate goal has been reached. And, interestingly, in getting to happiness first, it makes it easy for all the other things I was wanting to come into my life. Why is this? If I am believing that I live in a benevolent universe (which I do) in which everything can work out for me if I get out of the way, then I know that they easiest way to let opportunities come to me is to be in joy unconditionally. I’ve had literal miracles occur because I chose happiness when people thought I deserved self-pity. And, of course, sometimes we can’t get to happiness as quickly as we want, but it’s never impossible. It’s an emotional muscle. Just like some folks can get to shame and self-pity on the daily, so, too can you get to happiness consistently. Happiness is not a result of conditions outside of us matching up with our desires, it’s about knowing that there is an unseen power that always has our back and that while the situation might look grim, there are no temporary three-dimensional conditions that are worthy enough to pull us from our center, which is bliss.